Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Lost and found...

My mom and step-dad have been visiting since before Thanksgiving. They're staying in their travel trailer parked out by our barn. It's bigger than our first apartment. We love having them here, they're very helpful around the farm. They love the farm. My step-dad is a good ole boy from the Ozarks of Arkansas. He has never met a stranger and has done just about everything.

He gives us lots of farm advice and works hard. He sometimes tends to do things his way and most of the time that turns out okay. He's the one who went to the livestock auction and came home with a surprise alpaca...

In my blog from earlier this week, I told you that we were going to be getting pigs soon. When I got home from work/school last night, he told me that he had stopped by the local sawmill and bought some wood for the pig barn and they were going to deliver. He got a really good deal on some 'irregular' lumber that wasn't quite standard. He's great at finding bargains like that.

He told me the sawmill guy asked how the 'banker and the telemarketer' were doing (I'm not a banker, I work for a bank setting up their telephone line and Chad works for a health insurance company dealing with doctors' offices around claims and their contracts). Immediately all the stories that he could have been telling them are running through my head and I picture burly lumberjacks rolling in laughter at our shenanigans. My step-dad said, "Oh, they're lost." The lumberjacks stopped rolling and looked at me in shock awaiting my reaction. And then I snapped out of my daydream.

That struck right at the heart of me. I wasn't mad, hurt, or anything like that. Lost? I couldn't think of a word that would describe the way I feel less than 'lost'. In fact, I would have to say that if anything, I feel 'found'. At no point previous in my life have I had a more clear picture of what I want to achieve and I think the same thing goes for Chad. We look back and can't believe the progress we've made and the things we've learned. We both have a burning purpose in our lives that we've never had.

After I mulled it around a bit, I was a little hurt, but not much. Whatever hurt I felt didn't stick around very long. My step-dad has a huge heart, unfortunately, it's not in control of his mouth muscles. I think maybe we just do things differently than he may have done them. Neither one is right or wrong, they're just different. In fact, I ended up a little grateful. It helped me realize just how lucky we are to know exactly what we want and to be on the path to it.  That is a wonderful gift that I think many people don't get to experience.

I think Chad and I may need to put on our fanciest duds and do a little shopping at the sawmill.... We don't want to deny those lumberjacks their laughter ;-)

1 comment:

  1. eh don't let that bother you :) I think the older generation thinks we are all "lost". I think it makes some older people feel good to feel like we "need" them to succeed. In reality, they aren't giving themselves the credit of having people who love them.

    I deal with much from my daughter's grandmother. This last time, she reduced me to tears and I didn't speak to her for two months (not out of spite, just because her constant criticism hurt so much and she felt as though she did nothing wrong). I know I am a good mother to Sophia and Charlie, and when she realized how bad she had hurt me she actually apologized (very out of character for her)!! Sometimes we have to let people know how they make us feel. I had been feeling this way for years, and it has shined a new light on our relationship (I have always had love and respect for her, but more respect now and those panic attacks around her are starting to lessen ;) )

    I read once (being a hopeless passive myself) that we are responsible for the way people treat us. When the ball was put into my court, it changed my entire perspective on life and myself. It has helped me to be more assertive, and to see the attributes in others that I too possess (slight narsicism, self esteem issues, my own personal biases) and recognize them for what they are; products of human fallibility. Love you cuz!! --Savanah